101 reasons to celebrate!

In this month's episode, Berni and Dinah are talking about reasons to celebrate.
From the smallest to the biggest, there are many occasions in our lives that deserve to be noticed, to be acknowledged and to be celebrated.

We'd love to hear from you with your ideas for reasons to celebrate, to help us create the list of 101 reasons to celebrate.

And we'd love to hear about what you're already celebrating - do you have traditions that are a great way to celebrate? We'd love to share them with other couples and families.

You can share your ideas with Berni and Dinah on our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/Askacelebrant 
Or connect with us on Instagram:
Berni https://www.instagram.com/bernib_full_life/
Dinah https://www.instagram.com/dinah_celebrant/ 

Contact Berni at:  https://www.bernib.co.uk/

Contact Dinah at: https://www.gratefulcelebrant.com/

Transcript

Speaker 1:           Welcome to ask a celebrant, a conversational podcast, answering your questions, relating to all the commemoration and celebrations of all the chapters of your life. I'm Bernie B full life celebrant 

Speaker 2:           And I'm Dinah Liversidge, the Grateful Celebrant. Welcome everyone. It's really fabulous to have you with us as always here on the Ask a Celebrant Podcast. 

Speaker 1:           

Speaker 2:           It's really great to be here. We thought this month that we would talk about celebrations, specifically reasons to mark special events and to celebrate them because we are celebrants, I guess the clues kinda the name, isn't it, but <laugh> 

Speaker 1:           Clues in the name. Definitely 

Speaker 2:           <laugh>. So we, we talk a lot about some of the amazing reasons people ask us to help them mark occasions. Mm-hmm <affirmative>. And the wonderful thing really is that as independent celebrants, we can help people mark all kinds of events in their lives. It's not just birth, death and marriage, which I think is what a lot of people associate with us. Isn't it? 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. I think traditionally people just think of the things that have sort of a historically have a, a legal connotation. And obviously, you know, you have to legally register death, but you don't have to legally be married or, you know, you have to legally record register a birth. But, but we, what we are saying, I think is that we are here to bookmark and highlight and take those moments to celebrate those moments in throughout our lives, our journey, where we think, wow, look what we've achieved. Wow. Look where we are. This is something I want tattooed in my brain that I go, remember that day I did this. Remember how we achieved that, you know, and I think that you can take an event from just going out for a dinner or having a party or sending a card and just make it that bit more special, involve a celebrant if you want, and have a full on celebration with a certificate and fully take that time to appreciate where you're at value your achievements. 

Speaker 2:           I love that Bernie, you know, one of the things I think happens to a lot of us in, in current modern day society in life is that we do busy. Yeah. So we're constantly on the go. We're constantly having to work towards a goal or achieve the next thing or get through some massively long list of, to dos mm-hmm <affirmative> and actually the, the things that mark us out for being different that are important. That should be acknowledged. Just get caught up in all that busyness. Yeah. Yeah. When we take a moment to do that thing, we all say we want to do about being present. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. 

Speaker 2:           And we stop and we actually acknowledge, wow, look at this thing, look at how big that is. Look at how hard we worked, then it takes on a whole new, new meaning, a whole new sense of achievement. Yeah. And also that thing that you and I talk about a lot, it allows us to express some gratitude. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. 

Speaker 2:           And all of that is so good for your mental wellness. 

Speaker 1:           Yes. It is good for your mental wellbeing. It's really is. And, and your sense of self worth and growth. So your wellbeing is hugely important because of it. But, but that kind of that gift you can give to the people that you are celebrating by taking that moment, you know, because you can create a celebration, not just for you and what you've achieved, but you can say, Hey, you let's have a moment to celebrate what you have achieved. I want to acknowledge your achievement that has impacted my life. 

Speaker 2:           That's beautiful. You know, one of the things that comes instantly to mind, as you say that is you think of all the young people and of course, some mature students too. Yeah. Who over the last few weeks, as we are recording this have been getting exam results. Yes. And I think it, it instantly took me back to being that age and how afraid we were and how much we thought hung on those results. Yeah. Quite often we had completely over exaggerated that in our heads. Yeah. But at that moment it felt enormous. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. It's everything at the time, 

Speaker 2:           At the time, isn't it. And I looked at the families who were saying on their posts on social media, you know, hugely proud of, and then mentioning a young person mm-hmm <affirmative> and the following day they're then posting, we're visiting the university today, it's he or she, or they are signing up to. Yeah. And I thought, hold on a minute, hang on. You've had one day of Woohoo. Look what we achieved. And now we're onto the next chance. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. Well, not even a whole day, usually because the posters come late, they've got all stress. They've had a few tears. They they've had a bit of a meltdown. They've got the results or, or not because they were the big mix up. If I remember rightly and then they have to go into the clearing and whatever. And, and even if they haven't got the grades they wanted, they have achieved that goal. They have finished that phase in their life. That chapter is over. Yeah. However the results are, and now they are going to move to a next chapter and we should celebrate and recognize that because whatever the results were, they worked damn hard under really adverse conditions in the last few years, actually, you know, the extra hard, you know, both physically, mentally emo, you know, emotionally, they had to overcome all sorts of pressures that should never be put on people of that age, uh, anyway, and their families who had to support that and offer that have been amazing too. So as a family, you know, you go to your children, you are amazing. You have done this in those circumstances. We have, we have supported you through that. And we wanna celebrate that. Let us, okay. We've gotta go and do those other things, but let us just make, as I said to you, and as a description tattoo that achievement into our brain so that we can call on it whenever we're self doubting, that's another success tick. 

Speaker 2:           Huge, huge. And, and there are so many, aren't there one, one of the things Bernie and I would love your help with, if you're listening to us today, uh, is we want to put together a list that reminds all of us, that we have so many things that we could celebrate in our lives. We're really almost persuaded against marking and acknowledging moments because there's always that next thing. So we want to create a list of 101 things to celebrate. And we'd love you to, to come up with some, for us. It's a, it's about taking that pause, creating a memory that you can always go back to and saying, do you remember when? And I know that there are things that we've done over the years, that as soon as that, that thought comes to mind, my mood improves my sense of happiness and joy and connection and family are all strengthened. 

Speaker 2:           Yeah. And don't get us wrong folks. This isn't us bidding for, for business. Although of course we love helping people, mark things and celebrate things. This is about saying it's, it's, you know, life sucks a bit at the moment for a lot of us, a lot of people are struggling with things that they shouldn't have to struggle with. Yeah. It's been a really, really hard few years. And with the media painting, the kind of negative long dark tunnel, it's hard to see the light. Yeah. So let's acknowledge them. Let's see those moments that we can say yeah. In all this nasty there's that bit of joy. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. So we are not, we're not just talking about the ones where you would hire a celebrant, although if you wanna make it that big and hiring a settlement. Great. We're talking about all those moments on your journey, through your life that are worth the pause and the celebration, and let's make the list. And then, then you can go, you know, look another one on my list. I've done it, I've done it. I, you know, I've celebrated that. I've acknowledged that that's there. I mean, it, they can be small things. They can be big things, your results, your you moving out of home for the first time or from, from, uh, the parents' point of view, hoping we'd bring an empty nester. Woohoo. That's how hard was, wasn't it? Do you remember? 

Speaker 2:           Oh, uh, yeah, very. I mean, that was hilarious. I remember distinctly our daughter Hannah, leaving home for the last month, before she left home. And she reminds me of this. Occasionally I was walking around the house, humming, slipping through my fingers and crying a lot. And her dad was counting down the days till naked Saturdays <laugh> and then we moved to Wales. It was like seriously naked Saturdays in Wales where it's rainy and cold and wet. But I just thought that was so typical and so fabulous that the two of us saw it from these entire different perspective. <laugh> of course he missed her desperately and still does of course many, 

Speaker 1:           But he took a positive spin on it. Yes, exactly. 

Speaker 2:           Actually he helped me to understand, but yes, it's sad and it's wonderful because look what we 

Speaker 1:           Do. We spent all our lives down, we raising our children and our, and you know, certainly for you and I, you know, our measure of success is they can survive happily on their own without us, you know, we teach 'em to cook. We teach them to budget. We teach them to have independence, or we teach them that they are loved, you know, all of the things we teach them. And if we watch them go out in the world and yes, we miss them desperately, but that is our, that's the point of us. Isn't it as parents. So yeah. Yes. Let's celebrate that. What a list. 

Speaker 2:           I love that. And, and then, you know, you said it's also about the little things. They don't have to be huge. Yeah. One of the things I love being asked to help people celebrate is when they do come through something huge. Yeah. So people often think that a vow renewal ceremony is done to mark a, you know, silver wedding anniversary or a golden wedding anniversary, or the anniversary of meeting often couples who haven't had a legal marriage have been together a long time. Yeah. And want to mark that, but I've been lucky enough. And I know a lot of celebrants who have done vow renewals for very different reasons, 

Speaker 1:           Uhhuh 

Speaker 2:           <affirmative>, it can be, you know what, we had a real big hiccup and we pulled together and we talked it through and we got the help and we are beginning a new chapter and we want to recommit. And that is profoundly beautiful. Um, recently I was lucky enough to do a vow for a couple where cancer had been, frankly, the biggest part of their life for the last four years. Mm-hmm <affirmative> and now suddenly they see a future. They really didn't think they had. 

Speaker 1:           Wow. Well, wonderful thing. What honor for you to be part of that? Wow. 

Speaker 2:           I don't think a single one of us had a dry eye. I mean, it just is, and laughter mixed in from beginning to end. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. 

Speaker 2:           B glorious water thing to celebrate. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. And, and, and, and survival can be something that you can celebrate without a vow renewal, just, you know, getting that all clear from your cancer treatment, get in that, uh, you know, for the first time being signed off from your treatment after the, the, the checks that they have, you know, and having those reduced, what, what a great thing, you know, to, to have that, what a relief in your life, what a moment to go that day. I'm gonna remember for the rest of my life as a really positive day. 

Speaker 2:           Yeah, totally. You know, I, I, you know, I, I coach as well as being a celebrant. I, and mm-hmm, <affirmative> one of the things I really encourage people to do is to create what I call a gratitude jar. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. 

Speaker 2:           So find a big old pickling jar or a lovely kill style of jar, 

Speaker 1:           But one on my window cell 

Speaker 2:           Gorgeous and then get some scraps of colored paper. Yeah. Keep them with, or near the jar with a pen. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. 

Speaker 2:           And notice things that you have in your day that are worth saying, wow, I'm so grateful for that. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. 

Speaker 2:           The first they 

Speaker 1:           Can be little things. 

Speaker 2:           Oh, they can be tiny. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. Yeah. Just things like you having just a little moment and someone goes, oh, come here and notices gives you a hug or picks up the phone to you or something like that. 

Speaker 2:           Absolutely. Yeah. One of the ones I put in recently talking again about being a mom was Hannah phoned me to ask my advice on something. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. 

Speaker 2:           When your kids are in their thirties and they're still doing that, that's special, you know, you did it. I love 

Speaker 1:           It. 

Speaker 2:           And that I wrote on one of my little things H called and asked for my advice and I put the date. Yeah. And just a big smiley face top up of my gratitude and my happiness and nothing in the news that day will I remember? But I will remember that moment. Yeah. I, I think when we do that, we switch our focus and we start to notice more. Do you know what I do have things that I would love to celebrate and acknowledge. I have 

Speaker 1:           The instead of card and they have instead of having and want, instead of should. And all of the, you know, all of those things, isn't it, it's, you know, switching language, switching, focus, finding the positive, you know, if you can find a positive moment in a day, you know, I mean, we've moved, we've moved on and we're talking about the small gratitudes and, but they are as important as the big ones for our mental health and wellbeing. And as celebrants, like I said, we said at the beginning, we're not here trying to pitch ourselves to get some business, although you are very welcome to <laugh> every time you get a happy phone call calling a celebrate, 

Speaker 2:           That'd be lovely. 

Speaker 1:           Just a resident celebrant in your house. 

Speaker 2:           Yeah. Let's acknowledge and celebrate this moment, please. <laugh>, you know, one of my favorite ways of acknowledging the little things came from this really great coach and trainer, um, called Natalie Rivera. And she says, don't make a to-do list, make a Tatar list so that if, oh my God, you finish something and ticket, you can go TA and I do that now. And I think that's wonderful. And it's a great, you know, great example of what you were saying about just a fine shift in our language. And suddenly we notice these things, we didn't have things worth celebrating. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. 

Speaker 2:           So this list of one things, I think perhaps what we'd love is for people to give us ideas, but also perhaps we could ask you share with us, what have you most recently celebrated? Yeah. You know, I'd love to hear some of them because people do have great family traditions or couple traditions that they started themselves as something they celebrate. And it, it could be that another couple or family out there would really benefit from having something like that for them. So I'd love you to share those too. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. Yeah. So our challenges, yeah. Come to us and just give us one of your little celebrations. Doesn't I, how tiny, I mean, we we've talked about vows and, and, um, and graduations and passing, you know, passing your driving test, getting the keys to your first home, you know? Um, yeah. Buying one of my favorite moments was, and I'm sure my son and I know my partner really remember it the first time that our son took us out and he paid for a round of drinks 

Speaker 2:           Mega moment. Right. 

Speaker 1:           He was so proud. We were so happy. It was just the lovely thing, because you know, that whole, um, you know, that, that mark of independence, that sign, that he was grown up enough to buy a round of drinks, legally, you know, 

Speaker 2:           Earning money that meant he had earning money available cash. I mean, that's a big deal. That's such a landmark, isn't it? In our last. 

Speaker 1:           Yeah. So yeah. We're not just talking about the ones where you wanna call one of us in, we're calling about talking about anything that, where you take a breath or you feel that it's worth a worth other people recognizing that it's an achievement and taking a breath and, and marking that moment, writing it down and putting it in the gratitude jar. If we can think of a hundred, one of those and we can create that list and we can keep adding to it. If we get over 101, that's great, you know, we can keep adding to it and we can share it with everybody. Couldn't 

Speaker 2:           We? Absolutely, I, I think this is also about switching the way we think about certain things. There is this sense, particularly with things like when we set a goal, you know, once you have achieved it almost immediately, people say, what's next, what's the next thing. Yeah. You almost get to that thing. It's like, like your to-do list, isn't it? You tick one off. Yeah. You now have to do the next one. Yeah. So to actually take a moment and pause is incredibly good for you. It's also, if you are owning a business or you are running something where you're trying to make a profit or be successful to take a moment of reflection is really important. Yeah. And so if we do that more in our lives yeah. And think, hang on, look what we just achieved as a family, we came through this awful COVID nightmare. Yeah. Which totally turned everybody's lives upside down. Mm-hmm <affirmative> somehow our kids, these incredible small humans pulled it together and got through their exams. Yeah. We, we, we did something remarkable that we did not know we were capable of. What did we love? 

Speaker 1:           The neighbors you connected with because which you may never have connected with had that, not that horrific thing happened, but you know, suddenly you became an integral part in the community shopping or you, um, you started phoning your mom every day, whereas you only spoke to her once a month, cuz you thought you had all the time in the world. So that's kind of built that, that growth. These are positive positivity, the positive in the, in the, uh, out of the negative. And cuz like you were saying about ticking off the list, what we're always doing by ticking off the list is always looking at what's left to do. Whereas if we, if we look at all the ticks and flick back in our diary, we look at all the things we have successfully done. 

Speaker 2:           Yeah, exactly. And that, 

Speaker 1:           That feeds, that's like food for our soul and our, our drive and our energy we think. Okay. Okay. Yes. There's still to do, but look, I have achieved all of these things already, already. I've done. Yeah. And I've, you know, I had did this Mo this morning, I was feeling very down. I was very feeling, very tired. I was feeling quite overwhelmed and I forgot for a moment to re I forgot to remember what I had done and achieved. That led me to feeling tired and overwhelmed today. So I've fortunately as always is a good thing. I spoke to you and you reminded me of what led me to being so tired today and I'm thinking, and now I'm thinking, wow, look what I did last week. Look what I achieve last week. And I'm tired today. But look, and, and I was tired before I did that and I won't be tired tomorrow if I get a bit of a brace and I'm ready to do it again, but wow. And my mindset has completely changed and it is just those moments. Isn't it? 

Speaker 2:           It is. And you know, if anybody's thinking we've gone off topic, this is entirely the point of this topic, right. We need to notice, we need so much to feed our souls, our families, our friends with noticing what we have achieved, not what we have still got to do all the time that, that this whole we've got to get back to normal is feeding that, oh my goodness. You know, we've got to get back on the treadmill. We've got to spend 10 pounds on coffee. You don't drink every day. 

Speaker 1:           You're not yet back to normal. You're not there yet. Oh my God. 

Speaker 2:           You know, honestly, if people could just take a moment to remember what normal was really like, it's the last thing they'd want to return to. So celebrate having got outta that nonsense being brave enough to say, no, I'm not returning to it being different and challenging. The normal is part of noticing. What's amazing in our lives. Yeah. If I love that yesterday afternoon, I could go and have coffee with a friend. Yeah. I spent time with Amanda, which you and I both know is just always so good. Oh 

Speaker 1:           God. That's food for the soul. Isn't it always, 

Speaker 2:           Always. And I come home refreshed and fulfilled and grateful and I have been so tired. And just like you thinking, oh my goodness, how do I get myself this exhausted? And 10 minutes with a friend reminds you and just, you know, it's that whole fill your back your, your own bucket. And then you can carry on filling other people's. So taking a moment to say with your friends or your partner, your family, Hey, what can we celebrate about this month? Yeah. What was amazing for us? What were the little wins and what were the big wins? Yeah. Is, is wonderful. It, it's almost a family journal in a way that says looking back over the last year or two, look at the things we achieved together. Yeah. Be remarkable 

Speaker 1:           And doing it on behalf of someone when you are, you know, if you see a neighbor friend, a family member, you just pointing out to them, what you think is great about what they have done recently, you know, remind them because we, we are all really good at supporting other people and we're all also really good at berating ourselves. Oh yeah. So let's, let's, let's be the advocate for each other. Let's do that. I love 

Speaker 2:           That. There's that beautiful expression. I can't remember where I first saw it. So forgive me for not giving credit, but there was this beautiful quote that said be the woman that fixes another woman's crown without ever telling her it was crooked. 

Speaker 2:           <laugh> I think that's her magnific way to look at life. I just think that's beautiful. Yeah. Um, and actually on that same note of saying to somebody, I see you, I see what you did. I see the difference you made. I want to celebrate you is beautiful. Um, I see you, Bernie. I see the amazing things you do and the way you care about your community and particularly those people in your community who are vulnerable. And I would love to celebrate that, you know, thank you for doing what you do. It matters so much and you never seek, uh, recognition for it. You just do it because it's who you are. So thank you. 

Speaker 1:           Thank you. Thank you. Oh my God. You're so amazing. I always, I'm always in awe when you say I'm doing something amazing. No, because your, your, your strength and energy and knowledge, your ability to, um, your ability to remember the little details that people have said and remind them of them. Those moments is such a gift. It's such a gift that you, when you do that and you do that to me a lot, and it changes my, my perception of my day, instantly I go from can to can, you know, um, failed to achieved, you know, within a flick of the fingers, just because you have reminded me of something I've said, or you J the way you word something. So I am grateful for you too. And I think, yeah, go away and find your friend or a relative and remind them and tell them what they're you are grateful for today because we all, as individuals are so busy, we're noticing the things that we perceive as weaknesses and failures. Yeah. That we forget to notice or, or struggle to notice are, you know, our values 

Speaker 2:           We really do. And taking it that step further and celebrating actually taking a moment to say, wow, look, isn't this special. However, that feels authentic. You know, it, there are so many possible ways to do this. And again, tell us what you do. How did you celebrate? What, what was it that you as a family or as a person, or as a couple said, Hey, you know how we could mark this occasion? Because there are some beautifully creative ways to notice and celebrate things. 

Speaker 1:           Ho diner, I'm really looking forward to hearing people's stories and, and, and wins and celebrations. Oh, me too. And we'll gather them all together anonymously. And we'll just, we'll just put, put all of those together and make a really positive list of things for people that we can all draw some energy from. And I know this doesn't sound like a conversation that we're having today and ask a, but I think, you know, the role of us celebrate, celebrate, celebrating, as you said, at the beginning, the clues in the name, I think, you know, it's not all about us and our work. It's about our attitude to life as a whole. We celebrate full life from beginning to end and all of those moments in between. So let's just take that time. Um, after this, after you've heard this to, to do that for a moment and we'll, we'll all together and give you some sort of little reminders, little nudges every now and again, that these are big achievements in your, 

Speaker 2:           Thank you, Bernie. I, that's a beautiful note to thank you all for joining us today. We, uh, are very excited to hear from you and take a look in the notes on the podcast. It will tell you where you can send us your comments, speak to you soon. 

Speaker 1:           Excellent bye for now 

Speaker 2:           Ask a celebrant is unscripted and we base it on the questions we receive from our clients and you, our listeners. We'd love to hear from you do join the conversation, 

Speaker 1:           See you next month.